Chad asked me the other day," looking back on this year, what are some things you've grown in this past year and what are some things you want/need to grow in this next year?'
I like him. He makes me think. And he'll hold me accountable to it =)
Instantly, the word Simplicity came to mind. The Lord is working on me and teaching me simplicity. First and foremost in my relationship with Him. I think I have just begun to understand what true worship is, and it's simple. It's not piles of books and study guides and stuff. (There is totally a time and place for these, but not without worshiping him and loving him!) It's me sitting still. Quiet. Worshiping and praising God for who He is and what He has yet to do. It's knowing His character and being in awe that He would love me and forgive me. It's acknowledging Him for who He is and realizing I need Him every second. It's being aware of His presence and knowing there is nothing He does not see or know. I don't need to be overwhelmed or fearful, because I'm never alone.
It's been good. Really good, realizing how so often I feel like I need to be doing fifty million things... and yet I so often miss the point when I'm not fixed and focused on Christ alone. This year I want to be fixed and focused. I want to know my Savior better. I want to worship Him, without a bunch of stuff in the way. Wow, imagine the kind of lives we could have if we were constantly in awe of the Lord, worshiping, aware of who we are before him, dwelling on what He has done for us,thankful, amazed, dazzled, in wonder.... Wow. Life would be so different =)
The second part of this comes with now being a wife and momma of 2 little people, soon to be 3. I have a new job, and it's them. In the past I really struggled with trying to be superwoman. (o.k. I still struggle with trying to be superwoman, I will probably always have to work at this, but there's been some definite improvement:) Having way too much on my plate, I tried to please a million people yet in the long run please none of them because I'm worn out and frazzled.
This is one of the first times in my life I don't feel frazzled! The Lord has been growing me, patiently helping me shed roles that took me away from my first and foremost priority: to love and serve, my Savior, my husband, my children and my home. I'm learning to not sign up for everything or commit to more than I can handle and pick the best things not just good things!
Now, I reiterate, I'm learning...I have not figured this out or arrived in ANY way. I just see growth and am excited to see the Lord working on me. So I want to continue to grow. I want to love the Lord more than I love anyone or anything. I want to better love and serve my husband, thinking of him before myself. I want to love and teach my children, being consistent to discipline and shepherd. I also want to be a model worthy of my little ones to follow. And I want to use my home to serve my family, the church and my community. I want it to be a place of rest and peace. I know this is much easier said than done, but I also know that the Lord can do anything and everything. If He can turn me from lost to found, from frazzled to simple, He can grow me in these areas!
"And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance for you serve the Lord Christ"
Excited to see what the Lord is going to do, and enjoying the peace and hope I have in Him,